tluv

im super excited this week. i move into my new apartment this SATURDAY then school starts on thursday after that. thrilling. everything in my living room is black and hot pink and everything in the bedroom is white and baby pink. awesome. heres my lil kevin:

dont you love it? i certainly do. he will match the living room PERFECTLY. loves it!

hello there. heres a picture of me and my lil kev... you cant really see lil kev but i thought this picture was a perfect example of how i seem to be unable to take a picture with my mouth closed... i havent updated in an awful long time... i dont think i feel like typing now either. college starts aug. 24th. and i move into my apartment aug. 19th. i already have my stenography machine too and im learning the alphabet. thrilling. omg. yesterday i was with my aunt and uncle and we were in the academy parking lot and this HOT HOT HOT black guy is driving towards us in a HOT red bentley and my uncle starts to FLAG HIM DOWN and i freak out cause he is rascist sometimes but he was like 'hello son, what color do you call that there car?' and the guy is like 'candy apple red sir' and my uncle was like 'very nice, carry on' and i almost died. hahaha. then me and my aunt were in north houston the other day and we drive past tidwell and shes all 'NEVER GO TO THIS PART OF TOWN' and im like OMG cause its from a song thats like 'back when i was sellin crack on tidwell in the trap' lol. im still useless.


'my girl gotta girlfriend, chevy blue like whirlwind'
I LOVE LOVE LOVE young dro 'shoulder lean' like... it makes me sick i love it so much...

hay what up? today i was really broke right cause i dont get my work check for like 4 weeks (slr sucks) so i begged money from my parentals and then went and cashed in all my change... but then, like i saw this homeless dude with like... no stuff and a sign that said "anything will help" delimma. of course i gave him money. then i wanted to go buy him food and so i almost did then i realized that im practically as broke as him so... no? i gave him my pack of cigarettes instead. then i went shopping. hot new work outfit. oh no work today! YESSSS!!! i have this one guy who i work with and hes totally in love with me but that makes me not like him even though we hang out every single day and hes really hot so ill continue to fiddle with the married dude from mississippi maybe. prolly not. i was informed that thats A SIN... sorta like an accomplice for a murder. but i figure the good karma i got from giving that dude money will kinda go to war with the sin of the married guy thing so itll cancel itself out. yes sir. thats called rationalization. drug addicts are VERY good at it. teehee. now im at the library doing college things (H-TOWN IN TWO MONTHS BABY) and like, i started talking on the phone but apparently you ARENT allowed to do that in the library.... soooo.... i started typing instead. anyways... i just thought id update for mr chonko cause he requested it the other day. didntcha? haha. oh. and im in LOVE LOVE LOVE with THE GAME. (for yall who DONT know- he used to be in g-unit but then got pissed at 50 cause hes a lil fuck and made ghost unit... ANYWAY) but in the new D.U.B. magazine theres a full page of him... killer. oh my gawdddddddd. love.

oh wow. swoon. who cant love that?

"he only one week from gettin rich but its 4 days, 3 nights, 2 hours and one minute from his death" loves c murder!

im so mad. someone from one of my 3 banks called my mom today to inform her that i made a $600 withdrawl and they wanted to let her know just in case i was gonna make another run for it on another drug binge. what kind of shit is that? omg. i went there and closed the motherfuckin account and spoke to a manager since my mom informed me that they can lose their job over that shit. 'understand if you start it, im gon pop' problem: they blocked the number before they called so i dont know the extension or anything... whatever.
happy stuff: i have a new sorta boyfriend. very hot. and life is nice today.
oh- and 'a million little pieces' by james frey is very brilliant. must read. im off to tan and get my hair highlighted now...

'talkin shit like a whore about me, huh? well like a man imma murk ya when i see ya.' -webbie

omg. i got this new job right? well, theres this guy who is my boss, right? and he has this totally hot son, right? and omg i hung out with him last night. HE HAS A GOLD GRILL (as in teeth, not like a barbeque)... just omg. we watched hustle and flow and all about the benjamins... and he has cornrow/braid things and hes just about the hottest black guy ive ever seen since... lp i reckon. oh and the new (old) best cd ever has been changed from jeezy 'thug motivation: 101' to WEBBIE 'savage life.' so anyhow- this boy decided that im either scary or not interested in him... it took me a few minutes to remember that scary means scared in ghetto but then i was like shiiit! hold on! hold on! ('franchize aint got no money shit! hold on! hold on! bitch haaayyyy...') i dunno. im trippin. he aint got much game though which is very strange for someone who looks like him. i know thats like the whole 'dont judge a book by its cover' thing but ive come to expect things from people who look certain ways cause thats how shit works... but this boy is like INNOCENT. like really. no drugs or anything which might be real good for me. happy. he texted me last night right after i left his house and i still havent texted back... ive got a plan... shiiiit somebody gotta run some game, right?
'through my 18 years i done pulled all types of hustles
you don't wanna start nothing cuz the whole boot comin
might as well ask stevie wonder... nigga i ain't seen nothing'

its raining. uck. i think im gonna call someone today who i love. like i really love him and i keep thinking about his cheeks and like his lil tummy and just... omg. im gonna do it. he told me to call him if i ever straighten my ass up and go home- which i did... imma do it. we always used to laugh and say since me and him are both so damn cute we are gonna get married and have babies and put them in pampers commercials. hahaha. loves it! i realized that my old friends who i thought wanted help havent changed one fuckin bit. gotta go!

haaaaaaaay. last night was real good. one of my old buddies a.a.-ed it up with me. i was like 'dude, please tell me that i have a problem cause im having doubts' (cause a couple people were like 'how can you be a meth addict if you still have pretty teeth' and i was like 'nigga you dont know me' and thats all i could say cause i dont know) anyway- homeboy just started laughin right and like laughed so hard he cried cause he was there when i was at the top then he was right there when i was at my bottomest bottom so the nigga knows. it was a relief i guess. we just cant figure out how to accept that we can NEVER drink again or do drugs. for me, meth equals death and 'i would never wish death on anybody cause theres no comin back from that, ya know' (biggie smalls) and theres just NO WAY thats gonna happen... but shit. its all confused in my head right now. and daniels one year death anniversary was fucking sunday. that was insane. we've lived without homeboy for A FUCKING YEAR. i cant even accept that. im just NOW in the denial phase of death acceptance... a fucking year later. drugs take a lot from you. i copped a dog sunday. his name was popo. thats too close to lil popo for my liking so i switched it to kevin. lil keykey. haha hes hot as fuck. hes got a lil pimp hoddie jacket for his gangsta look and a blue/white sweater vest for his intellectual days. hot as hell.
'we the best and we gon be when these haters know it
so haters hate us to death and i know cause these haters show it
i only ride alone so they can picture me rollin...
but still i ride like the law, flo and flip everything...
peep the slang'

things are going good still just sort of mellowing out and calming down which is nice. i get my two month chip today at a.a. i saw an old best friend the other day and HE ASKED ME TO TAKE HIM TO AA WITH ME. omg. the promises really do come true. it was amazing cause he talked and told his story and it was so real and omg its just fucking crazy. like two other ones are gonna do it too. its so fucking cool. maybe i can save all of us that are left from the original SUC (screwed up click). hahaha. i got to see this totally hot 10 mm subcompact glock. hot. im getting one my mommy said before i move to h-town. shiiit. im scared. im way too attracted to everything black and thug and those things tend to adore me too... but shiiit i aint got no problems worth thinking about so ill survive. oh- lara you are sooo fucking cute. i was like aww! when i saw you the other day. fucking adorable.
check this:
blue october
'An empty hope chest.
Quit the dope quest,
And remain independently happy
I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...
I deal with the fact that I've forgotten the worst.
I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed.
Another page,
A sullen rage,
And I'll be back to my normal self.
And I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...
I drive to the edge of my considerate plain.
I apologize to the people I hurt on the way.
I wipe the slate clean
I kick the daydream,
And remain independently happy.'
weird.

last night i took 1/2 my ged. OH MY FUCKING GOSH. it was like... omg. i wont even go into it... lets just say it was pathetic. fucking pathetic. ugh.

then i went on an adventure i wasnt supposed to. it turned out to be good for me though. i put myself in a dangerous situation and it wasnt even a temptation. like, i dont NEED that shit. it was way great. i saw like 3-4 of my favorite people ever and built my self-esteem up quite a bit cause theyre all like 'holy fucking shit' cause i look totally better and un-cracked out.

in 50's book he used the phrase 'gangsteriest nigga' like 12 times. ok im lying. like 8 times. what the fuck is that? im having doubts about him. prolly cause last night m. told me that 50's a fucking idiot. if anyone else would have told me that i would have gave them the breadbox look but like, when HE said that i was like shiiiit. i better check myself. saw anthony too! lil nig just got outta the pen. two years. he knows the bible now. shit, prolly cover to cover. he picked me up and spun me around cause hes bigger now and was like OMG and i was like 'damn son!' cause he remembered me. he used to be in love with me though in high school and plus, how could he forget ME? hahaha.

also, m. said that he cant listen to jeezy anymore. i totally know how he feels cause we think on the SAME level. its soooo weird. acid does that to people. it like... locks your brains up in a box together for about 6 hours and programs them to be alike. i swear to fucking gosh. anyway, on my way to sm last night i had the windows down, bumpin (haha listening to) young jeezy and i could SMELL COKE. like FOR REAL. it was the trippiest thing that happened since i stopped doing drugs. no. im lying. my valentino sunglasses are trippier and i was wearing them. it was just bad. so... no more jeezy? gasp.

'i love my nigga, whatcha know about that? and id give anything to have lp back...'

hi. i got my drivers license back. its real nice to drive again. ive been making good choices except for one which ive been working on but the dumbass just wont listen and so ill have to take drastic action i think... 'you dont like, do somethin nigga. where im from if we dont like it we do somethin nigga.' so imma do something cause i dont like it. simple. oh- 50 cents new book 'from pieces to weight' is fucking fantastic. read it. and bun-b and lots of other super rappers (ti, jeezy, etc.) put out a cd just for ME a few months ago. its called 'TRILL' (of course! trillnigga hahaha) anyway- you should most def cop it. bored. im taking my GED later today. i need to make an a.a. meeting at noon... im going to have to do something about the little problem but im kinda scared but i know its the right thing to do. like 50 cent said first in like 2000 and slim thug said in '05: WE DONT PLAY THAT' especially when the dude is fucking 35. jesus. ive been wokring out every day but gained weight which is nice... fuck the anorexic/starved look... its so 2002! well, im off to tan, straighten my hair and get ready cause ive got a big day!

oh! p.s. someone shot my car with a gun and the glass cracked but i never noticed til last night. i cant wait to find out who did it and take care of the problem. hahaha. :)
'i know my partners would do the job for a flat fee but seein this nigga bleed is the ONLY thing thats gon relax me...' love.

today isnt quite as rosy as yesterday, which was rather interesting. i saw silly jake which was nice. the whole talk sort of felt like an interview or something but i suppose thats to be expected given the circumstances. i also attended a.a. last night. it was a shitty meeting though. i really wanted to go see 2 old friends in san marcos buuut... it prolly isnt a good idea. i gotta remember to make the right turn instead of the left my daddy says. ok. anyhow. omg. i need to call an-dre! i met him on new years. i kinda think he was sent to that place to make me forget that new years was dp's birthday and all that cause i was slightly trippin (but not on drugs). when he walked in the club i freaked out cause he was gangster and all that and i went to the music machine thing and played 'what up gangsta' by 50 and just walked over there and i was like 'whats up?' hahaha. shiiiiit i crack myself up. all my new a.a. friends were like 'wtf?' cause im all shy and stuff now generally but bitch i aint never scared. haha. actually im always scared. but at least im rigoriously honest now... but honestly that fucking sucks a lot of the time. any little misbehavior or white lie makes me feel REALLY bad and its totally opposite from the behavior i got accustomed to when i was crackin it up. its better this way though and the whole god thing is pretty nice. reliable and all that jazz. my life is boring now man. this journal sucks now cause nothing exciting happens anymore. i guess i can just write about old stuff. i have about 8 months worth of crazy shit i can post up in here. maybe so. well. im bored.
"nigga if you love me tell me you love me. DONT STARE AT ME MAN. id hate to get clapped to the pen for poppin one of my fans" hahaha. im SO in love with 50 still. some things will never change.

heeeeeey! gosh its been awhile. wild. im back at home now and happy. ill be sober for 2 months on the 26th. thats the longest, ever. damn kids... i was FUCKING out of my mind for awhile. but i came as close to jail as dying as i possibly could and now i know you either get 1) locked up 2) covered up OR 3) sobered up. i got my warrant removed yesterday. rock on. college in MARCH. the 6th. so im good now. i think my last spree was the end of it all. i dont regret one single second of any of it though. i learned SO much and instead of being depressed about all my mistakes im gonna fuckin make lemonade out of them... right? if like gives you lemons make lemonade? haha. thing is, i have such a lovely perspective on everything now cause i see it from two ways. gosh, its just so great. fuck all that meth/speed/coke/alcohol/weed/x/acid shit. im so over it. love ya! ill type more later.. im too happy right now.

"im high on life man... im fuckin wasted" -jay z

OMG. hi. i havent been online in SO LONG. weird. anyhow. lets see... SO MUCH STUFF HAS HAPPENED! hmm...
1. no more apartment 
2. i got real sick and went to the hospital... drugs + my lil kidney = bad
3. no more bad drugs 
4. i got a pomeranian- its name is fluffy TOO CUTE!
4.5. acid is a riot.
5. i saw MJ like 2 nights ago! HI!!
6. i dont think im going to try and remember all the stuff that happened. ill just start fresh.
'i dont cheat, i play the hand i was dealt'

i just watched this thing on tv about bow wows new movie. what the fuck is a roll bounce? it sounds totally awful and is prolly for sure an obscenely bad movie buuuuut- BOW  WOW is in it so its gotta be hot! haha. gosh hes SO HOT. just WOW. haha bow WOW. get it?

i weighed 100 last night!!! SO HAPPY! ive gained 15 pounds back! plus, i dont look like that starving lil olsen girl anymore. happy day!

OH QUESTION! HERES MY DELIMMA! if there was this guy, right? and he got a BOOB JOB like a GIRL... are you ready for this? okay... WOULD THEY HAVE TO BLEEP THE GUYS BOOBS OUT IF HE WAS TOPLESS IN A MOVIE?!?!?!?! gosh. i thought of that the other day.

best. ever.

my biography, you damn right, the true story
set the city on fire, and i didn't even try
run these streets all day, i can sleep when i die.

hey kids! i havent updated in total AGES but... good news! im away for a long time getting fixed. rehab style! i LOVE it and im getting FAT and its just the best thing ever! i should be back in wimberley/san marcos like... in MAYBE 3 months but thats doubtful. it sorta sucks cause i miss my punkin and apartment but its all good i guess... i gotta do stuff but ill update lots later.
love!

Trilby was fired so she won't be updating for a while because homeless people don't have computers. She is doing fine though making lots of money doing things I can't mention. Who said you had to actually have a job to make money? Anyway she will update when she can.

the last few days have been really really bad. i had to leave my other new home because people are insane and like to put guns in other peoples mouths and i just dont think thats cool. at all. so fuck him. last night at like 2 a.m. i went to ryans house and colored on his cast for like seriously an hour. its sooo cool. it looks great now. pimp-in. dumb fuck jumped outta a tree. im totally in love with a new person. the old one decided that we werent 'right for each other' and i was like ok. the new one is soooo in adoration of me. he just looks at me and goes 'oh my god! you are just so cute!' and im like haha. he thinks hes in love with me slightly which is sooo cute. i am very very happy with this one. plus we match (hair & eyes) and thats just totally hot!

b: we would have the cutest babies ever!
me: oh my fucking gosh! youre right!
b: theyd have lil blonde curls and blue eyes!
me: haha and everyone would be like 'put those babies in a pampers commercial!'
b: haha yeah for sure!

i started that fucking thing again cause of my newest buddy. i dont like it much. oh and omg those comments on my last entry were sooo funny. "let trilby lead her life the way she sees fit. without girls like her we wouldn't have porn." haha wtf. i like that one. im totally tripping. im steady working and i havent slept in 2 days and it wont stop. like, no one else at my work can answer the phones cause im too swift and i did 8 quotes during my lunch break. haha thats playa baby. oh! jacob called me from cali! loves him! hes totally in rehab in laguna beach. thats like, not even punishment or whatever. i mean, i guess it is cause theres no drugs. whatever. i gotta stop. im tripping and twitching too. well, not exactly TWITCHING per say, more like... jumping. jacks.

work sucks. but.... "on wednesdays, we wear PINK." hahaa. alex makes me say it over and over cause i remind her of that chick on mean girls. favorite movie ever. 3 of the roommates at my 'home' went to cali. its so weird with just 2 people in the house now. i mostly like it. we watched harold and kumar go to white castle (or whatever its called) last night and it was so tripped up. they like ride on cheetahs and stuff. weird! im hungry. i think i need to stop drinking vodka. i love it. PLUS i practically made him $300 last night. thats hot. "she carries the money, the hammers and material across town" hahaha!
oh- kellee! i need to converse with you but my cellular is out of commission at the moment so put your cell number on here and ill call ya later. im hopeless with numbers i swear.
i made a new friend at the car wash yesterday. it went like this:
jason- hey whats up! why isnt your boyfriend cleaning your car?
me- he doesnt love me.
jason- oh... well do you wanna party with us later? we have beer!
me- well, i dont drink and im actually... late for church but maybe some other time?
jason- if you dont drink, why is there a huge bottle of vodka in your front seat?
me- oh! well i found that actually...
then i just started laughing and he knew i was lying. deliriously lying. im so fucking bored. sofa king.

drunk at work is lovely. i like it. i spiked alex's drink when i went out to get lunch. she's giggly and im amused. last night was silly too. theres a huge bottle of polar ice vodka in my car so every night has been totally good. polar bear vodka. 'hey look! theres a polla burr on my vaca!'

 'polla burr vaca'

loves it. loves me. and I LOVE MY PARIS HILTON PERFUME!

thanks for the update, jake and serena. loves it! ive been way too occupied lately with work and i have no computer at home. last night was a distaster. the boyfriend got kicked out of his home cause the roomate went psycho (as usual) and made everyone move out. his home was my home so i have no home again. sad day! i havent updated in forever! crazy. ive been hanging out with the boyfriend and thats about it. i saw my best friend yesterday too! i cant say her name cause HER MOM READS THIS. weirrrrrrrrd. since my hair straightener broke (SUPER MAJOR DISASTER!) my hair has resorted back to being wavy but after several days of wavy its more like curly so im a bit confused. i keep telling the boyfriend i look like i was raised by wolves. oh! yesterday at the outlet mall there was this totally hot guy selling a motorcycle! he waved at me TWICE and smiled a bunch of times. i prolly looked like some sort of wolf child/crazy stalker but its ok. my feet hurt now from shopping in heels and walking by him so many times. loves it mj! the boyfriend bought 5 new cds. i love it. i love him. i was late for work this morning for the FIRST TIME EVER! 'the electricity went out' and i totally got away with it. loves me! pictures will be developed this afternoon! ill put some up tomorrow! bruises! oh. cps called me several times. THE REST OF MY CLOTHES WERE DELIVERED TO ME THIS MORNING BEFORE I GOT TO WORK. theres a huge green case of the rest of my outfits plus two more boxes of shoes. MY PINK BARBIE HEELS ARE OK! im so delighted beyond belief. oh, and duh! guess who it was that tagged that bitch's car. hahaha yes. i love me.

The following is an update, written by Jake and Serena because Trilby is too busy to update until Monday.

so stressed. hates it. lifes crazy y'all. omg i love clothes. and boys. and that one thing! 98 pounds now, i should eat more. but i hung out with that one boy ommmmggggg so much fun.


HOLLER CORVALLIS!! AND ALL OF SERENA'S FAVORITES!!!!