im super excited this week. i move into my new apartment this SATURDAY then school starts on thursday after that. thrilling. everything in my living room is black and hot pink and everything in the bedroom is white and baby pink. awesome. heres my lil kevin:
dont you love it? i certainly do. he will match the living room PERFECTLY. loves it!
hello there. heres a picture of me and my lil kev... you cant really see lil kev but i thought this picture was a perfect example of how i seem to be unable to take a picture with my mouth closed... i havent updated in an awful long time... i dont think i feel like typing now either. college starts aug. 24th. and i move into my apartment aug. 19th. i already have my stenography machine too and im learning the alphabet. thrilling. omg. yesterday i was with my aunt and uncle and we were in the academy parking lot and this HOT HOT HOT black guy is driving towards us in a HOT red bentley and my uncle starts to FLAG HIM DOWN and i freak out cause he is rascist sometimes but he was like 'hello son, what color do you call that there car?' and the guy is like 'candy apple red sir' and my uncle was like 'very nice, carry on' and i almost died. hahaha. then me and my aunt were in north houston the other day and we drive past tidwell and shes all 'NEVER GO TO THIS PART OF TOWN' and im like OMG cause its from a song thats like 'back when i was sellin crack on tidwell in the trap' lol. im still useless.
'my girl gotta girlfriend, chevy blue like whirlwind'
I LOVE LOVE LOVE young dro 'shoulder lean' like... it makes me sick i love it so much...
hay what up? today i was really broke right cause i dont get my work check for like 4 weeks (slr sucks) so i begged money from my parentals and then went and cashed in all my change... but then, like i saw this homeless dude with like... no stuff and a sign that said "anything will help" delimma. of course i gave him money. then i wanted to go buy him food and so i almost did then i realized that im practically as broke as him so... no? i gave him my pack of cigarettes instead. then i went shopping. hot new work outfit. oh no work today! YESSSS!!! i have this one guy who i work with and hes totally in love with me but that makes me not like him even though we hang out every single day and hes really hot so ill continue to fiddle with the married dude from mississippi maybe. prolly not. i was informed that thats A SIN... sorta like an accomplice for a murder. but i figure the good karma i got from giving that dude money will kinda go to war with the sin of the married guy thing so itll cancel itself out. yes sir. thats called rationalization. drug addicts are VERY good at it. teehee. now im at the library doing college things (H-TOWN IN TWO MONTHS BABY) and like, i started talking on the phone but apparently you ARENT allowed to do that in the library.... soooo.... i started typing instead. anyways... i just thought id update for mr chonko cause he requested it the other day. didntcha? haha. oh. and im in LOVE LOVE LOVE with THE GAME. (for yall who DONT know- he used to be in g-unit but then got pissed at 50 cause hes a lil fuck and made ghost unit... ANYWAY) but in the new D.U.B. magazine theres a full page of him... killer. oh my gawdddddddd. love.
oh wow. swoon. who cant love that?
"he only one week from gettin rich but its 4 days, 3 nights, 2 hours and one minute from his death" loves c murder!
im so mad. someone from one of my 3 banks called my mom today to inform her that i made a $600 withdrawl and they wanted to let her know just in case i was gonna make another run for it on another drug binge. what kind of shit is that? omg. i went there and closed the motherfuckin account and spoke to a manager since my mom informed me that they can lose their job over that shit. 'understand if you start it, im gon pop' problem: they blocked the number before they called so i dont know the extension or anything... whatever.
happy stuff: i have a new sorta boyfriend. very hot. and life is nice today.
oh- and 'a million little pieces' by james frey is very brilliant. must read. im off to tan and get my hair highlighted now...
'talkin shit like a whore about me, huh? well like a man imma murk ya when i see ya.' -webbie
omg. i got this new job right? well, theres this guy who is my boss, right? and he has this totally hot son, right? and omg i hung out with him last night. HE HAS A GOLD GRILL (as in teeth, not like a barbeque)... just omg. we watched hustle and flow and all about the benjamins... and he has cornrow/braid things and hes just about the hottest black guy ive ever seen since... lp i reckon. oh and the new (old) best cd ever has been changed from jeezy 'thug motivation: 101' to WEBBIE 'savage life.' so anyhow- this boy decided that im either scary or not interested in him... it took me a few minutes to remember that scary means scared in ghetto but then i was like shiiit! hold on! hold on! ('franchize aint got no money shit! hold on! hold on! bitch haaayyyy...') i dunno. im trippin. he aint got much game though which is very strange for someone who looks like him. i know thats like the whole 'dont judge a book by its cover' thing but ive come to expect things from people who look certain ways cause thats how shit works... but this boy is like INNOCENT. like really. no drugs or anything which might be real good for me. happy. he texted me last night right after i left his house and i still havent texted back... ive got a plan... shiiiit somebody gotta run some game, right?
'through my 18 years i done pulled all types of hustles
you don't wanna start nothing cuz the whole boot comin
might as well ask stevie wonder... nigga i ain't seen nothing'
its raining. uck. i think im gonna call someone today who i love. like i really love him and i keep thinking about his cheeks and like his lil tummy and just... omg. im gonna do it. he told me to call him if i ever straighten my ass up and go home- which i did... imma do it. we always used to laugh and say since me and him are both so damn cute we are gonna get married and have babies and put them in pampers commercials. hahaha. loves it! i realized that my old friends who i thought wanted help havent changed one fuckin bit. gotta go!
haaaaaaaay. last night was real good. one of my old buddies a.a.-ed it up with me. i was like 'dude, please tell me that i have a problem cause im having doubts' (cause a couple people were like 'how can you be a meth addict if you still have pretty teeth' and i was like 'nigga you dont know me' and thats all i could say cause i dont know) anyway- homeboy just started laughin right and like laughed so hard he cried cause he was there when i was at the top then he was right there when i was at my bottomest bottom so the nigga knows. it was a relief i guess. we just cant figure out how to accept that we can NEVER drink again or do drugs. for me, meth equals death and 'i would never wish death on anybody cause theres no comin back from that, ya know' (biggie smalls) and theres just NO WAY thats gonna happen... but shit. its all confused in my head right now. and daniels one year death anniversary was fucking sunday. that was insane. we've lived without homeboy for A FUCKING YEAR. i cant even accept that. im just NOW in the denial phase of death acceptance... a fucking year later. drugs take a lot from you. i copped a dog sunday. his name was popo. thats too close to lil popo for my liking so i switched it to kevin. lil keykey. haha hes hot as fuck. hes got a lil pimp hoddie jacket for his gangsta look and a blue/white sweater vest for his intellectual days. hot as hell.
'we the best and we gon be when these haters know it
so haters hate us to death and i know cause these haters show it
i only ride alone so they can picture me rollin...
but still i ride like the law, flo and flip everything...
peep the slang'
things are going good still just sort of mellowing out and calming down which is nice. i get my two month chip today at a.a. i saw an old best friend the other day and HE ASKED ME TO TAKE HIM TO AA WITH ME. omg. the promises really do come true. it was amazing cause he talked and told his story and it was so real and omg its just fucking crazy. like two other ones are gonna do it too. its so fucking cool. maybe i can save all of us that are left from the original SUC (screwed up click). hahaha. i got to see this totally hot 10 mm subcompact glock. hot. im getting one my mommy said before i move to h-town. shiiit. im scared. im way too attracted to everything black and thug and those things tend to adore me too... but shiiit i aint got no problems worth thinking about so ill survive. oh- lara you are sooo fucking cute. i was like aww! when i saw you the other day. fucking adorable.
'An empty hope chest.
Quit the dope quest,
And remain independently happy
I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...
I deal with the fact that I've forgotten the worst.
I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed.
A sullen rage,
And I'll be back to my normal self.
And I'm finally happy...happy... independently happy...
I drive to the edge of my considerate plain.
I apologize to the people I hurt on the way.
I wipe the slate clean
I kick the daydream,
And remain independently happy.'
last night i took 1/2 my ged. OH MY FUCKING GOSH. it was like... omg. i wont even go into it... lets just say it was pathetic. fucking pathetic. ugh.
then i went on an adventure i wasnt supposed to. it turned out to be good for me though. i put myself in a dangerous situation and it wasnt even a temptation. like, i dont NEED that shit. it was way great. i saw like 3-4 of my favorite people ever and built my self-esteem up quite a bit cause theyre all like 'holy fucking shit' cause i look totally better and un-cracked out.
in 50's book he used the phrase 'gangsteriest nigga' like 12 times. ok im lying. like 8 times. what the fuck is that? im having doubts about him. prolly cause last night m. told me that 50's a fucking idiot. if anyone else would have told me that i would have gave them the breadbox look but like, when HE said that i was like shiiiit. i better check myself. saw anthony too! lil nig just got outta the pen. two years. he knows the bible now. shit, prolly cover to cover. he picked me up and spun me around cause hes bigger now and was like OMG and i was like 'damn son!' cause he remembered me. he used to be in love with me though in high school and plus, how could he forget ME? hahaha.
also, m. said that he cant listen to jeezy anymore. i totally know how he feels cause we think on the SAME level. its soooo weird. acid does that to people. it like... locks your brains up in a box together for about 6 hours and programs them to be alike. i swear to fucking gosh. anyway, on my way to sm last night i had the windows down, bumpin (haha listening to) young jeezy and i could SMELL COKE. like FOR REAL. it was the trippiest thing that happened since i stopped doing drugs. no. im lying. my valentino sunglasses are trippier and i was wearing them. it was just bad. so... no more jeezy? gasp.
'i love my nigga, whatcha know about that? and id give anything to have lp back...'
hi. i got my drivers license back. its real nice to drive again. ive been making good choices except for one which ive been working on but the dumbass just wont listen and so ill have to take drastic action i think... 'you dont like, do somethin nigga. where im from if we dont like it we do somethin nigga.' so imma do something cause i dont like it. simple. oh- 50 cents new book 'from pieces to weight' is fucking fantastic. read it. and bun-b and lots of other super rappers (ti, jeezy, etc.) put out a cd just for ME a few months ago. its called 'TRILL' (of course! trillnigga hahaha) anyway- you should most def cop it. bored. im taking my GED later today. i need to make an a.a. meeting at noon... im going to have to do something about the little problem but im kinda scared but i know its the right thing to do. like 50 cent said first in like 2000 and slim thug said in '05: WE DONT PLAY THAT' especially when the dude is fucking 35. jesus. ive been wokring out every day but gained weight which is nice... fuck the anorexic/starved look... its so 2002! well, im off to tan, straighten my hair and get ready cause ive got a big day!
oh! p.s. someone shot my car with a gun and the glass cracked but i never noticed til last night. i cant wait to find out who did it and take care of the problem. hahaha. :)
'i know my partners would do the job for a flat fee but seein this nigga bleed is the ONLY thing thats gon relax me...' love.